Hope for a Weary Soul

Over the past few weeks I have been inundated with calls and meetings with people in crisis. Life is tough...there are days when we all wonder how we will persevere. In times of extreme stress, our brain releases cortisol in effort to help us regulate our stress response so that we can return to a state of homeostasis. In moderation, cortisol is a helpful hormone. The problem is when we live under constant duress, the body exerts excessive amounts of cortisol which can lead to high blood sugar, weight gain, gastrointestinal problems, cardiovascular disease, and suppresses the immune system. I wish this list was as bad as it gets, but sadly, stress leads many to consider suicide as an option for dealing with their pain. (Just minutes before posting this I received word from a loved one of a suicide in her circle of friends). 

There are times when we are unable to eliminate stressors in our lives, so what's a person to do?  The answer lies in our ability to find healthy coping mechanisms to eliminate stress. We need to combat stress physically, mentally, and spiritually. 

Most of us know that aerobic exercise, a healthy diet, and adequate sleep all work to reduce the effects of stress. We can also combat stress symptoms by managing our mental health. Meditation calms a person physically and emotionally, leading to better mental health. In addition, research shows that practicing the spiritual disciplines helps to deter the harmful effects of stress. 

The next time you are overwhelmed with stress, take a time out. Get alone with the scriptures and meditate on God's Word. Some passages that have helped me in the past are:

"Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail."  Lamentations 3:22

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faithproduces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."   James 1:2-5

"but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  Isaiah 40:31

As well as Isaiah 43 and Hebrews 12

What are some passages that have ministered to your soul in dark times?

10 Things You Can Do to Counter Depression

1.  Exercise - Believe it or not, when you exercise, your brain releases pleasure-inducing endorphins which reduce perceptions of pain and produce a natural high (similar to a runner's high). When you are depressed the last thing you want to do is exercise, but if you can push through it, it is a natural way to counter those blues.

2.  Eat bananas - Depression can be due to a decrease in serotonin levels. Bananas are a great source of serotonin, and have the potential to lessen the effects of depression.

3.  Get adequate sunlight - Darkness triggers an increase in the production of melatonin in the body causing drowsiness. In contrast, sunlight is believed to increase serotonin levels increasing "happy feelings."

4.  Socialize - When we are depressed we tend to isolate ourselves, and this feeds the depression. As we withdraw from social situations, our self-worth deteriorates and the self-deprecation begins. We were created for relationships, and we need others to help us during times of depression.

5.  Get up and keep a routine - People who are depressed tend to sleep too little or too much. The tendency is to lie in bed all day. Again, this creates a vicious cycle. The more you lie in bed, the less energy you have, and the less motivated you are to get up. Fight through the temptation to lounge around in your PJ's. Get up and do the things you were do if you were not depressed. Keeping a routine helps to break the cycle.

6.  See a doctor - If your depression persists for weeks, you may want to see your primary care physician and make sure there is not a physical reason for your depression. Chronic pain, thyroid issues, hormonal issues, decreased serotonin or norepinephrine can all contribute to depression. You want to rule out any physical etiology for your depression.

7.  Talk to a therapist or pastor - There are times when life is just plain 'ole difficult. During these times we may need a trustworthy person in whom to confide. Consider talking with a minister or a counselor whom you trust.  They can help you to process your thoughts and feelings, give you tools to counter your depression, and offer added support so that you no longer feel alone. Learn more here about taking off your mask and being real.

8.  Replace negative thoughts with positive ones - Depression is usually coupled with negative thinking. In order to stop our stinkin' thinking, we have to identify our irrational thoughts and beliefs about ourselves and counter them with true statements. For example, "My family would be better off without me," could be replaced with "If I was not here, my parents and my siblings would be very sad and would miss me."  Another example is "I cannot do anything right." Replace this thought with "There are things I do well. I work well with children; I take care of my pets..."  You get the picture! Don't believe the lies that often come with depression. Click here for more on this.

9.  Start a list of things you are thankful for - This one is connected to #8. Instead of mulling over all that is wrong with me, I can focus on what is right. Making a list of things I am thankful for can help me to change my default setting to one of gratitude. Habakkuk, a man in the Old Testament, chose to rejoice even when things seemed bleak. Learn more of his story by clicking here.

10.  Do something fun!  People who are depressed often experience anhedonia. This means that they no longer enjoy the things they once did. Many refrain from such activities because they believe the lie that they couldn't possibly have fun, nor does anyone want to be around them. The mind is a powerful thing. Go with an open mind and you might be surprised by the fun you are capable of. If the depression persists, consider #6 and talk to a doctor.

Depression is treatable. You do not have to suffer indefinitely. Take control of your health and be proactive about reducing your depressive symptoms. Pray and ask God to help you to return to a place of joy and contentment. Don't give up! Joy comes in the morning.

May is Mental Health Month -- what will you do to improve your mental health?

Putting the groceries in the backseat, I climbed into the car and left the parking lot. As I inched toward the road I heard a soft hissing sound that quickly escalated into a loud pop followed by a louder hiss. Oh no! The soda I put in the back seat had just exploded!

May is Mental Health Month. If we want to be mentally healthy, we need to get regular mental health check-ups much like we get annual physicals. When we fail to do so, we tend to suppress our feelings and we later explode over the little things, much like the 2-liter coke did in my car today.

How do we get a mental health check up? There are several ways of doing this:
1.  Meet with a mentor and discuss your strengths and growth areas as an individual.
2.  See a therapist or other mental health professional to process hurts you may have experienced throughout the year.
3.  Talk to a pastor about ways to improve your spiritual health and thus improve your mental health.
4.  Read a book about an area in which you'd like to grow healthier emotionally.
5.  Laugh. This is by far my favorite one. Watch a funny movie. Go to a comedy club. Hang out with friends. Do something that brings you joy. Relax and LAUGH.

What are you willing to do this month to improve your mental health?

Depression and Suicide Risk

Barbara was relieved when her son, John, told her he was going out to grab some pizza with the guys. John had been struggling with depression off and on for the past several years. His most recent episode had lasted about three months. Barbara had been worried about John. He had no motivation to do his school work and often called in sick to work. He had been spending more time in his room, and did not even want to talk on his phone with friends.

Six weeks ago, Barbara convinced John to see his family doctor about the depression. He was prescribed an antidepressant and encouraged to exercise daily. Yesterday, John surprised his mom by giving her flowers and thanking her for her support over the past several months. She was ecstatic when he told her he wanted to go out for the night with friends. Things were finally looking up.

Just as Barbara prepared for bed, there was a knock on the door. Opening it, she was confused – why was there a police officer at her door? 

“Oh no! No! No! No!”

Barbara’s son John had driven his car off a cliff killing himself.

Unfortunately, while the details may differ, the suicides do not. Individuals with depression are at greater risk for suicide attempts immediately following a depressive episode. When a person is depressed, he may ruminate on all the reasons and ways to die, but he has no energy to do anything. As the depression lifts, these self-deprecating thoughts often remain and now the person has the energy to put into action the plan he has been construing for some time.

Don’t think because the depression is starting to lift that the risk for suicide has passed. Continue to watch for warning signs and don’t be afraid to ask the difficult questions --- Are you planning to hurt yourself? Have you thought about killing yourself? Have you thought about how you would do it? Do you have a plan?

If the answer is yes, seek help immediately. Call 911.  If you are suicidal, consider calling the crisis hotline number below.

1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)

1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)

You Can Make a Difference

“I am a loser. No one likes me. The world is better off without me.” Countless teenagers believe these negative thoughts. Students may be surrounded by their peers and yet feel completely alone – like no one would notice if they disappeared.

I don’t know about you, but it breaks my heart to think of children and teens who feel like no one cares. Feeling sad for these kids is not enough. It is time we take action.

What can you do to make a difference?

• Consider mentoring a student
• Volunteer to work with students at church, YMCA or other civic organizations
• Be intentional to get to know your friends children. Show them you care.
• If you have a teenager, get to know their friends.
• Go to sporting events or plays to support youth you know and to show you care.
• Commit to pray daily for students in local schools.

If it takes a village to raise a child, then surely it must take a Kingdom to raise teenagers who love the Lord. Leave a comment to share how you are making a difference in the life of a teen.

Depression, Suicide....How's a Christian to Respond?

Since the death of Robin Williams, "experts" on depression and suicide have come out of the woodwork.  I am concerned for those who struggle with depression, as many of these self-proclaimed "experts" tout their opinions as facts.  I don't pretend to be an expert, but I have learned some things from years of living with a husband who had bipolar and died by suicide as well as from my education in counseling.

People often mean well, but their well-intentions can often leave someone who is depressed feeling even more burdened.  I discussed this in a previous post (click here to read the post). People who are depressed don't need trite promises of a bright tomorrow.  They don't need to hear that their depression is due to a lack of faith --- if it didn't help when Job's friends tried it, why do we keep pretending to be God and acting like we have all the answers.

The truth is, there are times when some go through a dark night of the soul.  Many stay in this pit, for weeks or longer.  When they are in the pit, they need to see Light so that they have hope of escape.  So the question becomes, how can Christians share this Light without further burdening someone who is down?

There are times when there are no words.  When someone loses a loved one to suicide, there are no words that can erase the pain. The greatest gift you can offer during this time is your presence. Be with them in the pain.  Walk beside them.  Let them know that you are not a fair weather friend, but that you will stick by them.  Your presence may offer them the strength that they need to face another day.

(On a side note, it infuriates me that many people can be so insensitive to family members after suicidal loss.  We'd never go up to parent at a funeral home who just lost a son to cancer and say, "Why do you think he died?  Was it that he didn't get enough chemo?  Did the doctor not do enough to help -- or maybe he just didn't trust God to heal him?"  Trust me, family members are asking WHY and they don't need you to ask them.)

There is a lot of debate among Christians about whether depression should be medicated.  I have met countless people who tell me that without medication, they would be dead.  Antidepressants can save lives.  Are there cases of abuse?  Sure, but we could say the same thing about the overuse of antibiotics.  Do we deem all antibiotics evil and cease to use them since they are over-prescribed? I encourage anyone who is taking antidepressants long-term to consider seeing a psychiatrist; they know much more about psychopharmacology and are better able to monitor your medication use.

I hesitated to join the debate about medication because people are very passionate about their beliefs.  Regardless of your opinion, I challenge you to join me in praying for the family of Robin Williams.  I also encourage you to pray for others who have lost a loved one to suicide.  All the media hype may reopen old wounds, and they may need someone to talk to about their own experiences with suicide.  Be that someone.  Listen. Be present. Pray.

Depressed, Lonely, and Cloudy Thinking

This week I have been teaching my students about the life of Elijah.  The story that comes to most of our minds is his showdown with the prophets of Baal in 1 Kings 18.  Elijah has a mountaintop experience after God demonstrates his power to all the idolaters in Israel.  Elijah is elated -- for awhile.

You see, Queen Jezebel worshiped Baal, and she was furious with Elijah for humiliating her and for killing all of Baal's prophets. She sent word to the king that she wanted Elijah dead.  When Elijah heard the news, he fled into the wilderness, and hid in a cave where he became overwhelmed with grief and sadness.  His depression was so great that he stopped eating and begged God to take his life.

Elijah felt alone. He thought he was the only one left who worshiped God. In 1 Kings 19:18, God tells Elijah that there are 7000 men who have not bowed down to Baal.  Depression often clouds our thinking.  Elijah wasn't really alone, but in his sorrows, he felt abandoned by God.  Elijah was so focused on his circumstances, that he failed to recognize God's presence.  

When we are lonely and depressed we tend to feel sorry for ourselves. We can’t see all the blessings in our lives. God had just used Elijah to prove His might and now Elijah is hiding in a cave feeling sorry for himself. When we are down, we need to focus on what we have to be thankful for. It also helps to look for ways to help others. Elijah was so caught up in himself that he failed to see the 7000 others worshiping God.

How do you think this story might have been different if Elijah had connected with the 7000?  We need other believers in our lives.  The Church is a body -- we need all our parts in order to be all that God called us to be. We need encouragement, accountability, fellowship – we need each other.  I could not have made it through my first husband’s death without the church. They were the hands and feet of Jesus in my life. We need church.  If you aren’t going to church, I challenge you to find one.  Make it a priority to find a church where you can attend.  

A side note:  If anyone tells you that Christians don't get depressed, remember Elijah. He was a great prophet of God, and yet he despaired to the point of longing for death to overtake him.  

1 in 4 people

Did you know  research suggests that 25% of the population will seek medical help for mental illness in their lifetime?  That is a quarter of the population.  Think about your closest friends; if this is true, 1 in 4 will experience mental illness at some point in life.

Why then, so we still suffer in silence?  Why are we afraid to ask others to pray for us because we are depressed or anxious?  The short answer:  stigma.  Sadly, people don't understand mental illness, and we tend to shy away from things we don't understand.

I can remember when just saying the words cancer or AIDS was taboo.  People would almost whisper the words and cancer was known as the Big C. With education, people have learned more about these illnesses, and much of the stigma has been erased.  Athletes even openly discuss their HIV status on television today.

We are still a long way in the battle to eradicate stigma associated with mental illness.  I challenge you to take time to learn about mental illness.  Don't be afraid of people with a mental illness; after all, this is 1/4 of the population.  Mental illness is a part of a person's life. It does not define his life.

If you know someone with a mental illness, find out how you can support and encourage them.  Many long for someone they can share with about their struggles.  Do your part to stop stigma!

How to Help Someone who is Depressed

People who are depressed often feel like they are drowning, and wonder if they'll ever be able to breathe again. Several years ago I asked a group of people who were struggling with depression what advice they would give to someone who has a depressed love one. This post is a combination of those responses.

Before I share some practical suggestions on how to show you care, I want to clarify a few things about depression. Depression can be one of three types:

1.       Circumstantial – Depression can be a result of difficult circumstances or even grief. When depression is circumstantial, counseling is often beneficial. Time is also a helpful healer in circumstantial depression (as circumstances change, the depression lifts). Sometimes, medication may be needed short-term to help a person get on top of the depression.

2.      Result of sin – Sometimes depression is a consequence of specific sin in a person’s life. When this is the case, confession is the key. A person needs to confess to God and potentially to others.

3.      Physiological – Depression can be due to physiological factors. This could be due to a medical condition, genetics, and/or a chemical imbalance. If depression is physiological, medication is almost always necessary.

People struggling with depression often feel alone, even if they have family and friends in their lives. It is important to show them that they are not alone, even in their darkest hour. Your presence is important; sometimes a hug and a listening ear is a great gift. Too often people try to give advice. Your loved ones don’t need you to tell them what to do. They need to know you care. When you speak, make sure that your words are encouraging and show your support. Your love and support shows them that you are willing to walk with them in their pain. It’s easy for people to say, “Just snap out of it,” but it is much more helpful if you will listen and show compassion. The depression may not lift right away, but they will remember you were there for them.

Some shared that volunteering helped them to get their eyes off of themselves and focus on others. When the depression is circumstantial, this can help.

Above all else, pray for your suffering friend or family member. The Bible tells us that God will never leave us or forsake us; God doesn’t promise to alleviate the pain of depression, but he does promise his presence in the midst of it. Ask God to give your loved one peace in the midst of the pain. Pray that they will draw closer to God during the dark night of the soul. Pray for deliverance from the depression. Let your friend know you are praying and when possible pray with them either in person or on the phone. Writing your prayers and sending them in a letter so that your depressed family member can revisit it in those dark hours and be reminded that she is not alone.

Pastors Struggle with Depression, Anxiety, and Alcohol Use at Alarming Rates

It’s a long running joke that pastors don’t really work, but two days a week. Being married to a minister, I must say that nothing could be farther from the truth. Most pastors are on call 24/7 and are asked to help in a vast array of circumstances – from holding someone’s hand while they die to rescuing cats from clandestine places.

Sadly, many ministers have few friends and often carry their personal burdens in isolation. Pastors and their wives often fear that if their congregations knew of their struggles, then their jobs would be in jeopardy, so many suffer in silence. 

I recently read some disturbing facts from www.PastorBurnout.com and the New York Times (August 1, 2010).  Did you know that members of the clergy now suffer from obesity, hypertension and depression at rates higher than most Americans. In the last decade, their use of antidepressants has risen, while their life expectancy has fallen, and that many would change jobs if they could?

• 13% of active pastors are divorced.
• 23% have been fired or pressured to resign at least once in their careers.
• 25% don’t know where to turn when they have a family or personal conflict or issue.
• 33% felt burned out within their first five years of ministry.
• 45% of pastors’ wives say the greatest danger to them and their family is physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual burnout.
• 45% of pastors say that they’ve experienced depression or burnout to the extent that they needed to take a leave of absence from ministry.
• 52% of pastors say they and their spouses believe that being in pastoral
• 56% of pastors’ wives say that they have no close friends.
• 70% of pastors don’t have any close friends.
• 80% of pastors say they have insufficient time with their spouse.
• 80% believe that pastoral ministry affects their families negatively.
• 90% work more than 50 hours a week.
• 94% feel under pressure to have a perfect family.
• 1,500 pastors leave their ministries each month due to burnout, conflict, or moral failure.

If those stats aren’t sad enough, doctors, lawyers and clergy have the most problems with drug abuse, alcoholism and suicide.

So why am I telling you all of this?  Because we are in a position to pray for and to support our pastors and their families. If you are guilty of slandering or gossiping about the pastor or his family – stop! They are imperfect people making imperfect progress, just like you and me. Instead of casting stones, we need to extend to them the same grace we want them to offer us. Clergy are on the frontlines of a battlefield and we need to pray for them.

My challenge for you this week is to let your pastor and his wife know how much they mean to you and find a tangible way of showing them that you appreciate them.

Well Meaning People

People mean well -- but their words are often like knives that strike us to the core of our being. Most of the time they don't even realize  the hurt that they've caused us when they say things like, "If you just trust God, then you won't feel depressed," or "Christians are to be joyful always so snap out of it." 

There are lots of theological issues with these two statements but I won't delve into that here. Instead, I want to point out that when you say things like this to someone who is already struggling with depression or hurt, you heap shame and guilt on them as well. Someone who is struggling to climb out of the pit needs encouragement; when you imply that they are somehow less of a Christian because of their depression, Satan adds feelings of guilt and shame to the mix.

Trust me, most people who are depressed feel enough negative emotions without well-meaning people who think they are helping "beating them while they are down." Instead, I prefer to view the depression as a thorn in the flesh. While it is tormenting, it has not escaped God's notice. As he told Paul, "His grace is sufficient." God can use times of depression to draw people closer to himself. Who are we to say that depression is due to a lack of faith? It may be that God wants to illuminate a person's existing faith by showing their loyalty in the midst of depression just as he allowed Satan to test Job.

If someone you love is struggling with depression, offer them encouragement and support instead of a sermon. Ask them how you can help. If possible, get them to go with you for  a walk (physical activity and sunshine are both helpful in alleviating depression). Don't judge your friend; love them.

So, those of you who struggle with depression, I want to apologize for any "trite" comments that well meaning people have said to you over the years (I'm sure I'm guilty of this myself). There is no shame -- hold your head high! God sees your pain and he cares! And I do too!