A New Twist on Valentine's Day

Each year I hear people bemoaning Valentine's Day (aka Single Awareness Day). Some feel jipped because they don't have anyone special with whom to celebrate. Others are grieving the loss of their Valentine to either death or to break up. The sad truth is that for millions of people, Valentine's Day is a day of great sadness and disappointment.

My question is "Why?" How did we get to a place where it is not only culturally acceptable, but culturally expected to elevate romantic love to a status above all other forms of love? Culture teaches that romantic love is to be sought after above all else.

What if instead of focusing on our relational status on Valentine's Day, we looked for practical ways to show love to others. A widow recently shared with a group of us how tough Valentine's Day is for her because her husband always spoiled her...my heart hurt at her declaration. To my surprise, not one, not two, but several of the people with me that day were moved to action. They sought out practical ways to express love to this precious woman on Valentine's Day.

Can you imagine the difference we could make if we were intentional about blessing others on Valentine's Day? I'm not suggesting couples neglect each other, but I am suggesting that instead of being self-focused we become other-aware.  Will you make a commitment today to be a blessing to some unsuspecting person next year on Valentine's Day?

Live Love

Little did I know when I chose to pray Isaiah 26:3 for my family this year, the need we would have for the Lord's peace. Just two weeks after I wrote that post, Jeff fell hiking the Appalachian Trail and injured his knee. I was over an hour away. My heart threatened to leap out of my throat as I fought back the tears and wrestled to remain calm so that I could figure out what to do. Friends came to his rescue and long story short....Jeff tore his patella tendon and had emergency surgery to repair it and to reconnect his knee cap.

I have to brag on my man for a minute and say I have been astounded by his optimistic outlook and his positive attitude post-surgery. I was prepared for an ill-tempered brute who would dictate multiple demands, but instead I've been pleasantly surprised to see my laid-back prince of a guy continue to act loving and kind in the midst of his pain.

For this I am thankful. My heart is heavy tonight as I write because one of my dearest friends is learning to say goodbye to her mom. While women across the nation march for women's rights, I have witnessed a remarkable woman fight for her life. Politics tend to bring division and strife...days like today remind me of what really matters -- people.

Whether you are compelled to protest in the streets or to make your opinions known on social, I pray that you will do so with love. The catch phrase seems to be LOVE NOT HATE. This begins in the heart of each one of us. How are you treating those who are different from you? How about those whose beliefs conflict with your own? Are you able to love despite these challenges? Jesus said the world would know we are his children by our love. Sadly, I wonder how we are doing in that department.

Today I have witnessed tremendous love as I've seen the Body of Christ come together to honor a remarkable woman of God and to comfort her daughter. I challenge you to look at the hurting people around you...find ways to demonstrate love to them today. Don't just preach love -- live love.

How Do You Love People Who Drive You Crazy?

We all have people in our lives that infuriate us; they know how to push our buttons, and they drive us mad. Some we defriend or unfollow on social media; others we avoid at all costs. I have a dear friend that calls "these people" sand paper people. God often uses "these people" to smooth out our own rough edges, to polish us so that we better reflect the light of Christ. It's easy to love the lovable, but to love the unlovable -- well now, that is a challenge. 

Jesus said, "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them" (Luke 6:32). Sinners refers to unbelievers in this verse. If we want to be like Jesus we are called to love sandpaper people even if they don't love us back.

Knowing this is one thing, but doing it is quite another. How do we love difficult people? I've been pondering this and have developed a list (it is not exhaustive) of ways I believe we can practically love people who are hard to love.

1.  Speak kindness. We all remember our mom's saying, "If you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything." This principle applies to loving the sandpaper people in our lives.

2.  Forgive. Easy to say, but hard to do. When we fail to forgive, bitterness and resentment set in making it almost impossible to love fully. Forgiveness is a process; sometimes we need to forgive daily. Forgiveness does not mean that we allow the person to continue to hurt us; it may involve setting healthy boundaries or even ending a relationship. Forgiveness does not mean the person's actions were acceptable. Forgiveness means we will no longer hold the past against the person in the sense that we want to get even. Forgiveness is more for us than for the other person.

3.  Treat them with respect. As a person created in the image of God, every individual is worthy of respect. This does not mean you respect all of the person's decisions or actions, but that you will treat them with dignity even when they fail to do the same. We cannot control another person's actions, but we can control our own.

4.  Pray for them. This principle is self-explanatory, but one we often fail to do. The Bible commands us to pray for our enemies. I'm not suggesting sandpaper people are our enemies, but I am asserting that we are called to pray for them.

These are just a few ways I am striving to love the sandpaper people in my life. What are ways you practically love those in your life?

This is your brain "In Love"

Far too often, I hear people talk about falling in love as if love is similar to tripping and falling into a pit. If you can fall into love then you can fall out of love. This "falling" most people talk about is based on feelings. When a couple first "falls" for each other, the brain releases dopamine which is a feel-good hormone. Your brain continues to produce this pleasure-inducing chemical each time you think about your new "love." As the relationship develops, the brain releases adrenalin, epinephrine and norepinephrine which fuel the infatuation and obsession.

The problem is that many people equate this pleasure sensation with love. The body can only sustain high doses of the euphoric brain chemicals for so long. With time, the release of pleasure-inducing chemicals decrease and many people then believe that they have "fallen out of love."  Then the cycle starts over...boy looks for girl to make him feel butterflies and excitement only to find that in time, the feelings fade.

Equating love with the way you feel is dangerous. If parents based loving their children on the times when they felt unadulterated bliss from their kids, there would be many loveless days in the family. First Corinthians 13 tells us love never fails.

I believe one of the reasons so many relationships fail today is because of the shallow view of love. First Corinthians gives a definition of love that requires sacrifice, commitment, and forgiveness. Love is a verb; it is a choice. We love because we choose to love, not because someone else makes us feel good or makes us happy. I hate the quote, "You complete me," in many Hollywood movies (as if we are somehow incomplete until we meet the one our soul loves -- hogwash). Instead, I love the lyrics to the more recent song by Casting Crowns "Maybe we were meant to be broken together."

There is no perfect Mr. or Mrs. Right out there. There are no perfect people (apart from Christ). Love keeps no record of wrongs, always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres.

May we love with a biblical love!