Seasons Change...and So Does Life

You know how it is. You bump shoulders everyday with people who ask, "How are you?" If you are like most of us, you lie and answer "Fine." Fine. Fine? What does that even mean?

"I am well."

"I am happy."

"I am hurting."

All of these responses are telling, but fine -- what does that really mean?

I've struggled the past couple of months with this question. Fine just doesn't answer the question for me anymore, and yet most people aren't really interested in my life, they are just being polite.  So....I have begun to answer saying, "Life has been tough, but spring has begun, and we are leaving winter behind."

Winter was filled with injury, physical sickness, and death. Jeff fell hiking on the A.T. and tore his patella tendon and had to have extensive surgery. Jorjanne and I both suffered from illness. One of my closest friend's lost her mom and then Jeff's mom passed away as well. Winter brought great pain -- both physical and emotional. Winter was bleak; it was a time of darkness...but praise be to God that spring has come!

As we look forward to the warm temperatures and specks of color to dot the landscape, we know that spring is not possible without winter. Without death, there is no life. Unless a seed dies, new growth does not occur. The same is true spiritually. Apart from the death of Christ, eternal life is not possible.

As I enter this new season, I am grateful that seasons change. The pain of today does not imply pain for tomorrow. The heartache from grief, though raw in winter, will eventually give way to healing.

James tells us to "Consider it pure joy when we encounter various trials." May we learn to choose joy!!

Live Love

Little did I know when I chose to pray Isaiah 26:3 for my family this year, the need we would have for the Lord's peace. Just two weeks after I wrote that post, Jeff fell hiking the Appalachian Trail and injured his knee. I was over an hour away. My heart threatened to leap out of my throat as I fought back the tears and wrestled to remain calm so that I could figure out what to do. Friends came to his rescue and long story short....Jeff tore his patella tendon and had emergency surgery to repair it and to reconnect his knee cap.

I have to brag on my man for a minute and say I have been astounded by his optimistic outlook and his positive attitude post-surgery. I was prepared for an ill-tempered brute who would dictate multiple demands, but instead I've been pleasantly surprised to see my laid-back prince of a guy continue to act loving and kind in the midst of his pain.

For this I am thankful. My heart is heavy tonight as I write because one of my dearest friends is learning to say goodbye to her mom. While women across the nation march for women's rights, I have witnessed a remarkable woman fight for her life. Politics tend to bring division and strife...days like today remind me of what really matters -- people.

Whether you are compelled to protest in the streets or to make your opinions known on social, I pray that you will do so with love. The catch phrase seems to be LOVE NOT HATE. This begins in the heart of each one of us. How are you treating those who are different from you? How about those whose beliefs conflict with your own? Are you able to love despite these challenges? Jesus said the world would know we are his children by our love. Sadly, I wonder how we are doing in that department.

Today I have witnessed tremendous love as I've seen the Body of Christ come together to honor a remarkable woman of God and to comfort her daughter. I challenge you to look at the hurting people around you...find ways to demonstrate love to them today. Don't just preach love -- live love.

Seized with Remorse

When asked to discuss suicide in the Bible, most people point out Judas Iscariot who betrayed Jesus. Recently I began to meditate on Matthew 27 and tried to imagine what was going through Judas’ mind when he betrayed Jesus. Did he know the chief priests wanted to kill Jesus? Did he think they were going to give him a position in the church or community that would usher in the new kingdom? What exactly was he hoping for?

Whatever Judas thought, we know that he was deeply grieved by the actual events that followed his betrayal.

We, like Judas, rationalize our sin. We try to justify why it is ok to betray the ones we love (through gossip and deception) by convincing ourselves that it is really in their best interest. Rarely does the outcome bring our intended results.

When Judas heard that Jesus had been condemned, he was “seized with remorse.”  In other words, Judas was consumed with guilt. He tried to soothe his guilty conscience by giving back the silver, but the elders basically said, “Sorry man. The deed is done.”  In anguish and shame, Judas cried out, “I have sinned, for I have betrayed innocent blood.”

I wonder if the other disciples knew what Judas had done. As far as we know, he didn’t confess his sin to the other disciples. If he had, would they have forgiven him or would they have shunned him? Regardless, Judas felt more alone than ever before. His guilt was unbearable…he could not carry the burden of his sin.  Judas only saw one way out of the insufferable pain – death. “Then he went away and hanged himself.”

September is Suicide Prevention Month. Millions of people die by suicide each year. I have spoken with numerous women who lost their husband’s to suicide. Many of these men lived with guilt and regret (from affairs, poor financial decisions, deceit, hypocrisy, drug and alcohol abuse, and more). Sadly, these men believed that their sins were unforgiveable and they were consumed with guilt and shame, and lost all hope.

I want to clarify the difference between guilt and conviction. Conviction leads to repentance and change. Guilt continues to berate us and remind us of how terrible we are. The former brings restoration, while the latter breeds self-deprecation and shame.

Judas was seized with remorse; he was filled with regret. I’ve yet to meet anyone who survived a suicide attempt that didn’t live with some form of regret. Many letters left behind from those who died by suicide also express regret…there are times when the person doesn’t really want to die, but only want to live without the pain – whether physical or emotional.

I don’t think Judas wanted to die; when he left the temple, he threw the silver coins back into the temple. This was an act of desperation; he could no longer live with the knowledge of his betrayal. Death seemed his only out.

I’ve heard it said that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. While this may be true, suicide merely shifts the pain of the one who dies to the ones left behind. When my first husband died, he transferred his pain to our family and friends as we sought to make sense of his death.

Georgia has the highest attempted suicide rate in the nation, while Delaware has the lowest (SAMSHA, 2009). What can we do to help individuals who are contemplating suicide?

First and foremost, we can listen. Research revealed that in 80% - 90% of all suicides, the person has told someone of their intent prior to taking their lives. These are often cries for help. Don’t take a threat lightly. For more information on how you can help someone, click here.

I want to leave you with the words of the Psalmist:

“Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him, for the help of his presence.”  Psalm 42:5

No matter what you are going through, there is hope! Cling to that hope, and when you feel like you’ve lost hope, reach out to someone you love…sometimes hope may seem hidden, but it is always there. Better yet – God is always there; He is on the throne. He sees your pain. He cares. You can trust him.

Saying goodbye to someone you love...

This semester I have been teaching a psychology class on illness, death and healing. In the course of the semester, I have spoken with friends who are nearing the end as they face their own mortality, and with others who have recently lost someone they love. What surprised me is the desire by those who are dying to talk about their impending death.

We often talk about everything except this elephant in the room when we are with someone who is dying. We make small talk about trivial things for fear of upsetting the other person. What I have learned is that the other person is already thinking about the road ahead...as a matter of fact, for many it is what they think about most.

Many long for someone to share their fears and their hopes with only to find that no one wants to listen; no one wants to talk about what the process of death will be like...what life will be like after our loved one is gone. Because many of us are uncomfortable with death, we avoid the subject when that may be the very thing our loved ones need to discuss.

Sometimes we avoid the person for fear of saying the wrong thing. Several have told me that when their friends or family avoid them, it either makes them believe the other person doesn't care or they feel stigmatized and unloved. Don't avoid people you love; make amends if needed and give the gift of your presence. Sometimes words are not needed -- just your presence and a willingness to listen.

I want to be sensitive to this in others and allow them the opportunity to speak freely. If you know someone who is dying, don't dance around the subject but don't force it either. Be a friend...be willing to meet your loved one where they are and listen no matter what they want to discuss.