A New Twist on Valentine's Day

Each year I hear people bemoaning Valentine's Day (aka Single Awareness Day). Some feel jipped because they don't have anyone special with whom to celebrate. Others are grieving the loss of their Valentine to either death or to break up. The sad truth is that for millions of people, Valentine's Day is a day of great sadness and disappointment.

My question is "Why?" How did we get to a place where it is not only culturally acceptable, but culturally expected to elevate romantic love to a status above all other forms of love? Culture teaches that romantic love is to be sought after above all else.

What if instead of focusing on our relational status on Valentine's Day, we looked for practical ways to show love to others. A widow recently shared with a group of us how tough Valentine's Day is for her because her husband always spoiled her...my heart hurt at her declaration. To my surprise, not one, not two, but several of the people with me that day were moved to action. They sought out practical ways to express love to this precious woman on Valentine's Day.

Can you imagine the difference we could make if we were intentional about blessing others on Valentine's Day? I'm not suggesting couples neglect each other, but I am suggesting that instead of being self-focused we become other-aware.  Will you make a commitment today to be a blessing to some unsuspecting person next year on Valentine's Day?

Describe 2016 with One Word - GO!

One word. This was the challenge.  This morning I asked my Facebook friends to describe 2016 in one word. Many were heartwarming and made me smile; others hurt my heart.  How would I describe 2016 -- complete.

In 2016 I completed my dissertation; I completed the PhD program and graduated. I completed the national mental health counseling examination and achieved several longstanding goals.  Jorjanne finished driver's ed and completed her third high school drama performance. Jeff completed two thru-hikes as well as his first song-writing conference.

The election -- well praise God it is complete!

Several people I know and love completed the race this year; they fought the good fight and won the prize. I am grateful for the honor knowing some amazing people (I started to list them here but there are so many...suffice it to say we lost some "greats" this year.

In a few hours the year itself will come to both an end and a beginning. A new chapter.  I look forward with great anticipation to what 2017 will bring.

So what is your word?

5 Ways to Deal with Family Conflict during the Holidays

The holidays bring families together; this can be a joyous time of celebration OR it can be a time of intense conflict and stress. Over the years, I've experienced both the magic of Christmas through the eyes of a child, and the horror of unfiltered, angry words instigating heart-wrenching pain.

If Christmas brings joy and peace in your home, give glory to God and thank Him for this gift! If the holiday season brings out the worst in you, or in those around you, here are some tips to help you cope during the holiday season.

1.  The Bible calls us to pray for those who persecute us. Pray for the "black sheep" in the family. Pray for those who have hurt you in the past. Ask God to help you to forgive them. Love keeps no record of wrongs.

2.  Take time outs. Be sure to schedule breaks where you can get away by yourself and refuel. Do this before things escalate out of control.

3.  Pause before you speak and think about the potential consequences of your words. The Bible likens the tongue to a match that starts great fires...guard your tongue.

4.  Read the Christmas story in Luke 2. Jesus humbled himself and left his throne in heaven to live in a world that would hate him, humiliate him, and ultimately kill him...and He knew this before He came. Why did he come then? Love. He loves the unloveable. He loves us in spite of ourselves. We can follow his example and extend love and grace to those who are difficult to lvoe.

5.  Practice gratitude. When you are spending extensive time with your family, look for reasons to be thankful. Many are alone during the holidays; if you are with family, be thankful you are not alone. Many are grieving the loss of loved ones; be thankful for the people in your life today. Many are hungry and in need of shelter. Be intentional about practicing thankfulness.

When we do these things, our circumstances may not change, but our attitudes may. It is amazing how a change in attitude can become contagious. 

Christmas, to-do lists, and more random thoughts

It seems like much of my stress comes having too much to do or huge projects hanging over my head. We all know the answer to the infamous question, “How do you eat an elephant?” Knowing that taking bite sized pieces eats away at the elephant does not make the task any less daunting.

I’ve learned that I do better when I break large tasks into smaller more manageable ones. I am big on lists! I have lists posted on my computer, by my bed, in my calendar, and in my phone. Once I write down something I have to do, I can let go of the worry of forgetting about it. I get great satisfaction from checking off items on my lists – whether it be a grocery list or a to-do list. I feel a sense of accomplishment with each item I cross through.

This past year I have been eating away at what seems like a ginormous task – my dissertation. I have to work on this bit by bit, piece by piece. While I still have a long way to go, I am not where I once was in the process. I am learning that the destination or completion of a project is not always the goal.  There is value in the process.

The Christmas season is filled with hustle and bustle. Things to do. Places to go. People to see. Instead of rushing to mark items off our lists, let’s enjoy the process. My favorite name of God is Emmanuel – God with us. Let me say that again.

            God.

                        With.

                                    Us.

 How often do we go through the motions of the holidays without being fully present? God is “with” us. He is not just there…God is fully present. He is not waiting at the destination; he is present throughout the journey. 

May we follow his example and set aside our to-do lists, our phones, and anything else that hinders us from being fully present and be "with" our loved ones this Christmas season.