Ten Years Ago...

Ten years ago today I experienced the worst day of my life. There was a knock at the door from a man wearing a cleric's collar. I knew before he ever opened his mouth the message he had come to deliver. My husband, the man I loved with all my heart, was gone.

At the time it was difficult to even breathe. So many thoughts raced through my mind...things I needed to do...questions without answers...fury and overwhelming sadness flooded the depths of my being. I felt completely and utterly undone.

Ten years later I sit at my desk amazed at how God not only put the broken pieces of my life back together, but also created a beautiful mosaic that I never would have imagined from all the hurt and pain. On a weekly basis, I am able to offer hope to others whose lives have been touched by suicide. This was not a task I ever wanted, but it's one I am glad to offer.

I want to take a minute and share with anyone reading this who might be contemplating suicide. Many say that suicide is a permanent solution for temporary pain. I want to add something to that. While it may feel like suicide is the only way to end the pain, the pain doesn't stop after the suicide. The pain is transferred to your loved ones for years to come.

While God has brought healing into my life, the scars from the past remain. I still have hurts and at times tears from the pain Michael brought into our lives when he decided to end his. Don't believe the lie that your loved ones will be better off without you. Leaving them only changes the content of their pain. Talk to someone about your hurts. You can call the Georgia Crisis and Access Line 24 hours a day 7 days a week at 1-800-715-4225. You are not alone. There is help available.

I have journeyed a path I never would have chosen, but along the way God has shown me beautiful things I'd never seen otherwise. I have been given a second chance at love (Jeff, you're the best!) and a precious daughter that I adore. I've experienced sacrificial love from the Body of Christ and I've experienced the peace that surpasses understanding.

As I reflect on the past ten years, my feelings are mixed. There are hurts. There are sorrows. There are joys unspeakable. One thing has remained constant -- the peace that surpasses understanding that only Christ can give. I pray that you experience that peace as well.

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Tears to Joy: Ten Years Ago...

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Ten Years Ago...

Ten years ago today I experienced the worst day of my life. There was a knock at the door from a man wearing a cleric's collar. I knew before he ever opened his mouth the message he had come to deliver. My husband, the man I loved with all my heart, was gone.

At the time it was difficult to even breathe. So many thoughts raced through my mind...things I needed to do...questions without answers...fury and overwhelming sadness flooded the depths of my being. I felt completely and utterly undone.

Ten years later I sit at my desk amazed at how God not only put the broken pieces of my life back together, but also created a beautiful mosaic that I never would have imagined from all the hurt and pain. On a weekly basis, I am able to offer hope to others whose lives have been touched by suicide. This was not a task I ever wanted, but it's one I am glad to offer.

I want to take a minute and share with anyone reading this who might be contemplating suicide. Many say that suicide is a permanent solution for temporary pain. I want to add something to that. While it may feel like suicide is the only way to end the pain, the pain doesn't stop after the suicide. The pain is transferred to your loved ones for years to come.

While God has brought healing into my life, the scars from the past remain. I still have hurts and at times tears from the pain Michael brought into our lives when he decided to end his. Don't believe the lie that your loved ones will be better off without you. Leaving them only changes the content of their pain. Talk to someone about your hurts. You can call the Georgia Crisis and Access Line 24 hours a day 7 days a week at 1-800-715-4225. You are not alone. There is help available.

I have journeyed a path I never would have chosen, but along the way God has shown me beautiful things I'd never seen otherwise. I have been given a second chance at love (Jeff, you're the best!) and a precious daughter that I adore. I've experienced sacrificial love from the Body of Christ and I've experienced the peace that surpasses understanding.

As I reflect on the past ten years, my feelings are mixed. There are hurts. There are sorrows. There are joys unspeakable. One thing has remained constant -- the peace that surpasses understanding that only Christ can give. I pray that you experience that peace as well.

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3 Comments:

At January 27, 2016 at 8:21 PM , Blogger Regina Coffee said...

Loved reading this and you can tell God has taken your pain and used it to give you the wisdom to help heal others...

 
At January 28, 2016 at 10:41 AM , Blogger Amanda Hanke said...

Beautiful Natalie. Love and miss you friend! I don't think you will ever know the kind of impact you have had in my life. I thank God for you!

 
At January 28, 2016 at 10:24 PM , Blogger Doug said...

Words can't express what Michael was to me. He was more than a brother in law....he was my brother, mentor, hero and friend. I miss him dearly but thankful for the time I had to share with him. His life impacted anyone he came into contact with. His death has brought about many painful but necessary discussions about mental health. Nat I love you and I am so proud of you for carrying the message of Christ love and hope to people in some of their darkest times. Your service to the Lord is an inspiration to me. I love you sis! Brooney

 

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